the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize