Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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