even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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