There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
