I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
