put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
