if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
