On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
