sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
