i just google imaged poop.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
