she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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