a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
