So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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