just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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