Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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