if i can run in heels then i can drive
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
