An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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