Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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