Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
