Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there's paper in my vomit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize