my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
