Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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