On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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