you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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