I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
