He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
