My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
