Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize