Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
