Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
