i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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