so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
