Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's never too late to be topless.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
