Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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