Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
