I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize