I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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