some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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