We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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