Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
