holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
