the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
