Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
