Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
