ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
