ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize