We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
