My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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