I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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