I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
