I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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