you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
well, you know. whores of a feather.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
