You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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