drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
