I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dick very happy bro
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
