after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
