i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
