i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
