Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it's like heaven, but drunker
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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