I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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