The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
