my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
