I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
