your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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