So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
