thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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