I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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