My cat gives me a boner
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
