I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
