all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A bitchslap is in order.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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