If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
