you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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